I am Not a Golden God

So, one of the most elusive goals I’ve been pursuing as a gamer is to completely beat Super Meat Boy. This is a goal that I had abandoned when I beat the last “regular” level about a year ago. Recently, I’ve been wasting far too much time trying to get further in this quest, though. It’s been a slow aggravating experience.

Yeah, red is a pretty common color in this game.

You see, Super Meat Boy has approximately 150 levels divided into 7 chapters, each of which consists of a dark and light world. Unlocking any given dark world level requires beating its light world equivalent in a record time. Each world also includes 4 “warp zones” that include 3 additional levels each and a “glitch” level that is requires extreme luck to unlock. 100 of these level have hidden bandages that usually require going through the level in a different, more difficult way, or making extremely risky jumps. And that’s not even counting the DLC levels.

Bane of my existence.

So, yeah, that’s a ton of stuff to do. Right now, I’m about halfway through the dark version of World 3. And, at this point, most of it is near-impossible. Any game that thinks it needs a dark variant of Hell is going to be difficult. I have no idea how this game is still entertaining to me. I mean, I’ve played through several of the levels hundreds of times trying to beat them, but I’m somehow not bored with it. It’s probably due to the levels being less than 30 seconds long each and having no respawn time. So, basically every play through of a difficult level is a constant cycle between concentration and sudden bursts of escalating anger. There’s just no time to get mad at the game for more than a few seconds, no matter how close you get before victory is ripped from your grasp. It’s also extremely addictive. So, yeah, I’m going to do this. I know that I lack the skill necessary to follow through on that, but I don’t care. I’m still going to do it. Slowly, bit by bit, I will make this happen. Never have I wasted so much time on a game so seemingly small, but I regret nothing.


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